The day

It's a nice, sunny day. Well obviously not that nice (I'm at work) but still sunny. A senior manager appears.

"Hello".

For a large (read "fat") person he can clearly move very lightly. He must be a spare time Ninja or I'm slipping.

Years ago a boss crept up on me as I was dozing at a desk. I was faster in those days and as I woke hit him with my elbow, as I've been trained to in Karate. Moments later I had fully awoken so I didn't follow through. A pity from a Karate standpoint but probably advisable career-wise. There are laws against killing managers.

After he recovered his breath he was very British about it. But he never crept up on me again.

Anyway I don't hit this manager who has glided into my field of view. Nevermind. Can't hit every manager you meet I guess. Instead I follow him into another room. There is an even more senior manager.

"Oops"

This one starts by reminding me that "a lot of reason they are in this new office" was down to me. True but, in fact, a lot of reason they were still in business at all was down to me - I like to think. "But", he carries on, they weren't making enough deals and so, reluctantly, they have to make my job redundant.

"Oh"

But here's some free money.

"$$"

And some outplacement services.

"Wow" - no hint of sarcasm. Honest.

My senior manager then escorts me back to my desk. In his presence I pack up my personal belongings ("so that's where I left my toilet brush"). Slowly. I then hand over my pass and am escorted by him out of the building.

"Bye bye".

In all, half an hour.

So, I go home rather early for once. It’s mid-morning, past the rush-hour and there’s a choice of seats. As I descend on my chosen seat an armrest catches the left pocket of my chinos. It creates a big tear in the trousers. It looks like I’ve gone from senior manager, to unemployed bum in under an hour. I consider buying a bottle of vodka and drinking it on the streets, just to complete the image.